At the time of writing, I’ve sailed past my ‘100 days alcohol-free’ milestone. After many years of binge drinking and relying on alcohol to mask social anxiety and low self-esteem, I’ve done what I thought was unthinkable; I’ve completely removed alcohol from my life. To my friends and family, this decision seemed to come overnight and left them in shock. They knew I enjoyed drinking and loved a night out. My Instagram was plastered with POV shots of my hand clutching a cocktail against a glitzy city back-drop. To tell you the truth, I did enjoy drinking. Until I didn’t. Among other things, booze was controlling my life and I knew I had to find a way to stop.
Breaking away from psychological alcohol dependency was going to be my biggest personal challenge to date…
I want to share with you my 10 strategies for making the transition from perpetually hungover to sober and thriving.
1. Lurking on social media
I had been sober curious for many months before I actually went sober. I had many doubts and questions surrounding sobriety and I didn’t want to talk to friends about it. Following sober content creators on TikTok and Instagram allowed me to casually learn about what it means to give up drinking. I discovered that problem drinking is on a spectrum. I learnt what it means to be physically dependent on alcohol and what it means to be a ‘grey area drinker’. I realised that I am a grey area drinker which is a heavy social drinker who uses alcohol to cope with stress, anxiety and other uncomfortable emotions. One of the best things about following sober influencers is that their content is often fun and relatable. Many of them are normal people and you can find someone who matches your style. Some sober influencers that I love are the Co Founders of sobriety group Flamingo Af; Steph (steph_smith_af) and Lily (@30andsober) on TikTok and @asobergirlsguide on Instagram. These creators are honest, raw and unfiltered. Definitely worth a follow.
2. Quit Lit
I’m not joking when I tell you that quit lit saved me in those early days of trying to quit booze. The first book I read was Allan Carr’s Stop Drinking Now (no, not the comedian haha). This book legitimately hypnotised me. I was very sceptical going into it but the book removed a smokescreen I didn’t realise was there. My mindset started to change. After finishing the book, I became strong willed and sure of my sobriety. It did exactly what it promised: got rid of all alcohol cravings. I then went on to read books by authors who bare all when talking about their own journeys to sobriety. I read ‘The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober’ by Catherine Grey which follows Catherine’s battle with alcoholism. I then read ‘The Sober Girl Society Handbook’ by Millie Gooch which details Millie’s life as a binge drinker. These honest stories made me feel less alone in my own struggle. I listened to each of them on audiobook, too. It was like listening to a friend chatting about sobriety with you. In those early days, it pays to have something sober positive to fill up quiet moments. Audiobooks are great for this.
3. I opened my eyes
Being in pubs and bars was the weekend norm for me but as I started to wake up from my slumber, I began to notice things. I clocked how people got louder the more they drank. I noticed people beginning to slur their words as the night drew on. I could tell when people stopped listening to me mid sentence. I saw the drunken arguments brewing and erupting on the dance floor. I took stock of these things. I knew that person was once me and could be me again if I made the wrong choices. That raw realisation makes it so much easier to choose an alcohol-free drink at the bar and be totally fine with it.
4. I played the tape forward
On New Year’s Eve, I was freshly sober. This was the challenge I’d been gearing up for. I got together with a lovely bunch of actively drinking friends and we hit the town. All was going well. They ordered a beer, I ordered a non-alcoholic beer. They ordered a G&T, I ordered a Tanqueray 0.0% and tonic. Then, we went to a cocktail bar. I looked at the alcohol-free options and to be honest they were not very appealing. I watched my friends pour over the menu in a little gang and decide whether they wanted a Mai Tai or an Espresso Martini. In that moment, I got FOMO. I wanted to huddle around the menu and pick something out too. I had a bit of a wobble in but I then remembered something from the online sober community; you should play the tape forward like it’s a movie. I imagined if I picked out an alcoholic cocktail and drank it, there would be nothing stopping me having more drinks that night. I’d end up doing shots. I’d spend loads of money. I’d stay out too late. I’d eat a greasy kebab in bed and fall asleep fully clothed. I’d wake up close to noon with a raging hangover and a list of regrets as long as my bar bill. I certainly wouldn’t make it to the 11 am New Year’s Day dip in the sea and I’d hate myself for it. Seeing the chain of events play out in my mind made my wobble return steady. I made the right choice and joined the dippers on the beach the next day.
5. I took note of how good I felt
One of the immediate ‘wow’ moments when you stop drinking is waking up on Sunday morning. Sunday mornings for people with disordered drinking issues tend to be waking up late with a mouth like the Sahara desert and sporadic urges to vom. Not to mention the black cloud of anxiety hovering over you as you check to see if you left your belongings in the pub or if you foolishly downloaded Tinder again. Post-sobriety, Sundays look a lot different. You open your eyes and feel relief, contentment, rejuvination and joy instead. Maybe you’re an early riser now. Sunday mornings could be attending a workout class or catching the sunrise at the summit of a mountain. But don’t worry, you don’t have to be morning person! You could have a lie in and enjoy a coffee in bed. When you first start out on your alcohol-free journey, it’s really beneficial to take note of how good you now feel on Sunday morning and beyond. You will start to notice positive changes in your mood and energy levels. For me, I noticed a huge reduction in negative thinking and I have a lot more patience.
6. I found community
Dropping alcohol from your life can be challenging for many reasons. Part of the process is leaving behind what no longer serves you. Your environment shapes you and you should be with people you aspire to be like. If you aspire to be a sober person and your only friendship group consists of heavy drinkers who live for ‘the sesh’ then you will need to expand your circle. During those precious first weeks of sobriety, you might have to take a step back from that crowd until you feel stronger in your sobriety. That being said, I’m a firm believer that an alcohol-free lifestyle doesn’t have to be boring. After following the Stef and Lily from Flamingo AF, I joined their community on Facebook; Flamingo AF, The Fresh Flockers. Here, I found a wonderful group of sober people who are still very much up for a good time. Their motto really resonated with me, “Change the recipe, not the ritual!”. In this group, I was free to share my milestones, questions and wobbles without judgement. I ended up travelling to Manchester to attend their 1st birthday party! I joined the solo-pre meet for those arriving alone in Manchester’s first alcohol-free bar; LoveFrom! I couldn’t contain my excitement when I saw alcohol-free beer on tap! I met so many friendly, welcoming people. We then headed to the main venue where we partied to live music, danced with professional dancers in wild costumes and played party games. immaculate vibes and not a drop of alcohol in sight! I caught the train home with zero regrets and spent the evening with my family. Finding community can take many forms. Perhaps you join the gym or you take a yoga class. You could join your local hiking group or book club. The goal is to find a group of people who don’t place alcohol at the centre of their lives because you no longer place it in the centre of yours.
7. I got my heart pumping
Sticking to a habit is far easier when it makes you feel good. I stuck to the habit of binge drinking as I got dopamine from the build-up to a night out and from those first couple of drinks. Alcohol is dopamine with strings attached. I decided that I needed to find a safer and healthier way to get that dopamine high. Not everyone is a fan of exercise but I believe we can get our bodies moving and heart pumping in a variety of different ways. You just have to find one that appeals to you and start from there. Mine was walking and hiking. I started to plan epic hikes on the weekend so I wouldn’t miss being in the pub. If I was in the pub, I wouldn’t consider alcohol as I had an amazing hike to do the next day. The joy I felt from being out in nature pretty much replaced wild nights out. From there, I joined the gym. I did group classes which gave me extra motivation and a chance to socialise. This snowballed into running! I was never, ever that girl. I was always last place, crying my eyes out during school cross country as the PE teacher bellowed at me. Last weekend, I ran my first 5K Park Run and I’m training for a 10K. A huge part of this change in mindset was down to reframing how I thought about exercise. I started to see running as a reward instead of a punishment. This concept comes from the book Atomic Habits by James Clear. Instead of saying “I have to run today.” I started saying “I get to run today!”. Moving my body filled a hole left in my life by alcohol. Why not start my taking yourself out on a daily walk in nature? The better you feel, the less you want to disrupt your healthy trajectory with booze.
8. I became an alcohol-free drink connoisseur
‘Change the recipe, not the ritual’, was my mantra in the first couple of months of my sober journey. As someone who was psychologically addicted to alcohol, I found alcohol-free beers, wines and spirits a godsend. I could still have a drink with my friends in a bar without feeling too awkward. I could still have a beer while I was cooking like I always did. I could join in on toasts and pop bottles with the rest of them. For those who consider themselves physically addicted to alcohol, AF versions of the real thing might be triggering. For me, it meant I could remove alcohol from my life and minimise the disruption to my usual rituals and routines. For those who do want to avoid alcohol tasting beverages, there are still a lot of great options out there for you. I personally love San Pellegrino over ice in a fancy glass.
9. I stopped caring what people think
Many of us use alcohol to boost confidence and mask insecurities in social settings. Walking into a crowded bar is daunting unless you’ve pre-gamed to take the edge off. Striking up a conversation with someone you find attractive might seem terrifying until you’ve knocked back some ‘liquid courage’. That’s all well and good until you’re stumbling around said crowded bar and slurring your words at that attractive person. Quitting drinking gives your mind the quiet it needs to think. I noticed how nervous I felt in social settings and I was able to deal with it. Slowly my confidence started to come back unaided by booze. I also stopped caring about what people thought about my sobriety in general. The first few weeks were difficult. Especially, when I told a friend I’d quit drinking and he laughed in my face saying “yeah, right!”. Another friend told me that I “…didn’t seem myself…” when I wasn’t drinking and that I looked “sad” . Probably because I could feel myself being judged and that was clearly a reflection of her own relationship with alcohol, not mine. One boomer bartender in the pub even made fun of my choice of 0.0% pink gin and tonic in front of the whole bar. Loudly guffawing “What’s the point in that?” I panicked and told him that I was a recovering alcoholic just to shut him up. Once you realise that you’re quitting alcohol only for you and you alone, the road becomes a lot smoother. It doesn’t matter what others think or do. You’re showing up for yourself. People are going to have a myriad of responses to your sobriety but as soon as you stop caring, you gain a level of serenity no bottle of wine could have ever given you.
10. I forgave myself
Once you take that leap into sobriety, the mishaps of the past might start to pop up like those Halloween skeletons in a haunted house. You start to dwell on the scary stories of olde. The time you got arrested, the time you broke someone’s nose, the time you ended up in hospital, the time you slept with that idiot, the time you fell over in front of all those people, the time(s) you slept through your job. The list might well go embarrassingly on. All followed by the big, big question; “Why oh why didn’t I get sober sooner?”. The first step is to exorcise those skeletons. You can’t change what’s already happened but you can make sure it doesn’t happen again. Looking back is a waste of energy. Yes, you did those things. Let it go, forgive yourself and move forward into the pink clouds of sobriety. As for that question…the person you were before simply wasn’t ready. The person you are now is. Now is the time to be your own best friend and let yourself be excited for the wonderful things to come from a life free from alcohol.
Final thoughts…
At the end of the day, everyone’s experience with alcohol and how they handle it is different. My sobriety is very important to me as it has vastly changed my life for the better. I’m not here to preach to those who don’t feel they need to ditch the booze but I hope that my experiences can provide some support to those with similar disordered drinking issues as my own.
Over to you…
What have you found useful in your journey into sobriety? What do you find most difficult? Comment below!